i feel so useless today.

and i feel so worthless too.

i love how my job makes me feel both at the same time with so much ease.

10 signs you should consider taking a leave of absence:

10. you're spending way more than you can afford, just to keep yourself happy.

09. you're telling yourself that you enjoy working.

08. you keep ranting to your best friend how work life sucks.

07. small things, off-hand comments, irritate you to high heavens.

06. you're telling yourself that you need money, that you're doing this for money.

05. you notice every mistake your office mate makes.

04. you're opening your heart to other office mates. as they say, misery loves company.

03. you count down the minutes until you can leave.

02. you don't care anymore who hears you talk snark behind people's back.

01. you're already thinking of non-messy ways to dispose of office surots.

tomorrow, it will officially been one year since i made good with my promise to take photography seriously. i have learned a lot, and i am looking forward to learning a lot more. so to all my friends who've helped me, thank you.

now, i look back to the year that was.

( here, photos and text collide. you have been warned. )

happy birthday to yumipitz!

back in college, i couldn't wait for school life to end. my argument was, once working, i will no longer have to deal with home works. assignments that take me up to the wee hours of the morning finishing. load that i have to take home, just so i don't get overwhelmed the next day.

boy, was i wrong.

most of you know about my "trials" with my first career choice. yes, i'm still not considering it my first job. digression aside, that "career choice" was a bit brainless. and it proved to me that working life was better than student life: no home work. sure, i wanted to kill myself every single time i had to go to "work", but i didn't have to think about it when i go home.

not that i could think of anything other than ways of getting out of the mess i got myself into. but that's beside the point.

when i finally landed my first real job, i was ecstatic. you know what they say about finding the job you love, right? work doesn't feel like work--and although i sometimes brought home some load, i didn't mind.

that was nearly three years ago. i very much mind the home work now--especially now.

if i could turn back time, i wouldn't change anything. but i would've told my younger self to enjoy university life more. for me to have had more fun. because i kept looking forward to after-college to have fun, i never found the time to have fun then.

and now, even with much admonishing from friends and colleagues, i can't find the time to have fun after work. sure, there's the occasional shoots--but i need money for that. there's malling, but i also need money for that. there are a lot of things i try to do to get my mind of work nowadays, but they no longer work.

i used to have the annual block dinner to tide me over. catch up with friends--just talk. but that needs money too. and from a semi-regular thing, it became once a year, during the first saturday of july.

this year, there won't be one on the first saturday of july.

so what now?

for a while, anyway.

sunday is gig run, and i am hoping that it doesn't rain. i remember running in the rain: back in college, with better metabolism, it was not much of a problem. last year, with umbrellas poking at me, it was hell. and then, there's the fact that cold weather makes me want to pee all the time.

not fun when running--true fact.

so i am really hoping that it doesn't rain this sunday.

what am i doing to prepare? well, i was supposed to go on a softdrinks/caffeine detox, but my will is weak and i've had three frapps and over a dozen sodas since i made the promise last week. and two bags of chips.

but without any money, and with only two days to go before the run, maybe i can stick to the detox until the gig run. so now, i'm adding the sleeping early to the mix. which i really will have to do on saturday night, because the run is on sunday early morning.

i've also started climbing the stairs to the office again.

yes, we're at the 12th floor. it wasn't so bad before--and it won't be so bad again.

the internet is really, really effed up. at home, and even here at the office. grr. argh. how am i supposed to get any work done at home? and how am i supposed to procrastinate at the office?

should i blame the rain? and what does the rain have to do with internet connection anyway?

here's something i can really blame the rain with: i got stranded with two office mates at jollibee yesterday. we went out for a bite and it was fine. the skies weren't clear, but there were no telltale sign of impending rain.

no sign at all.

and so we walked, then we ate, and just as we were about to finish eating, it rained. hard. and since we had no jackets nor umbrellas with us, we just sat inside jollibee, waiting for the rain to stop.

savior came in the guise of another office mate who was grabbing a late lunch with her fiance. we waited for them to finish, then hitched a ride back to the office.

i wasn't able to write last night. i continued reading the zombie survival guide, and then i fell asleep.

in other news; i now have a twitter account. as promised to yumipitz, i created one after she created a facebook account. and she did. so i did.

i have two codes for dreamwidth, and i am following 24fps's example. to whoever wants them, just tell me.

i don't have writer's block, i'm just really lazy to write today. i don't know why, but it's really frustrating me.

and the very wonky internet connection is only serving to irritate me more. gah.

i really don't know why i keep blogging about my internet problems. maybe because writing about it helps? i wish that was the case. but the thing is, i'm still pissed after writing what i'm writing now. and this will only serve as a reminder that i got pissed.

*sigh*

i think i need a different outlet.

maybe i should think about getting a very violent, but non-internet-reliant, game. that's a good way to release stress, right? at least i'm only violent in the virtual world, not in the real world.

going back to being lazy to write--well, there's nothing to go back to. i just don't have the drive to write today.

but i was able to write this blog post.

this morning was supposed to be spent on my various work stuff that i need to finish. but i can't concentrate. damn.

and it's marathon time next week--but i won't be able to have my last practice run tomorrow because i'm going to a coverage. zoinks. i really should learn how to better manage my time.

one. i'm changing the rules of the paid account contest, on account for there being no participants. but i'm still figuring out what the mechanics will be. for sure it will have something to do with wmn.ph.

two. i just remembered the reason why my phone is always on silent mode. environmental science make-up class, first semester of first year college. because i wasn't used to having my phone in silent mode during non-class hours (which that hour was, technically) i had it on loud mode.

because with all the hullabaloo of life, i cannot hear my phone ringing.

so anyway, i had it on loud mode. in the middle of the lecture, the theme song from angel the series starts playing. and our professor stopped her lecture. it didn't sink in until a minute later that the ringing phone was mine.

in fairness to our professor, she knew that it was the theme song of angel. haha. but i never took my phone out of silent mode ever again after that.

except for one instance--when i thought the mode had bearing on the effectiveness of the phone's alarm clock. it doesn't, so i never switched out of silent mode ever again.

and i have no idea why i suddenly remembered this.

no one wants to join the paid account contest? should i make the game more interesting?

saturday. i met up with ichihachi to finally hand over the photos from the moonlit gig. also, registered for gig run 2009, my first marathon that isn't sponsored by milo.

i got home at around 12 noon with an upset stomach--i'm not sure if its something i ate, or if its because i hadn't eaten anything since the morning of that same day. but because of this, and i am justifying a little bit, i forgot about the work i'm supposed to do.

and then family went on and got me to join them for grocery shopping.

yes, i forgot about work. but it's the weekend, who can blame me? sadly, it's also my first weekend work for my new responsibility at work. so there goes good first impression.

but let me ask you this question: on weekends, what should take precedence: family or work? what if work was given thursday night and family obligation was given saturday noon? and work was saturday noon/afternoon?

it's not a question i can answer without bias. especially since my mom's been bugging me about spending more time at home. like i could. i work from 7 in the morning to 7 in the evening--and that going in at 7 in the morning is my preference. i work faster in the mornings, and i get things done. sadly, most of my office mates come in late. and i can't leave early because i have to wait for other work coming in from them.

let's see if i get reprimanded tomorrow (meaning, monday).

sunday. i ran early today. well, not early like when i run the milo marathon, but earlier than usual. i managed a full lap before lagging into a brisk walk. i still have to build endurance. i did manage to run a certain length again though, during my second lap. thought most of it was, by then, just brisk walking.

i certainly let go of my college days when i could do two full laps without even breaking a sweat. figuratively speaking, of course. i sweat a lot, hence my wiry frame. but i don't get tired that quickly.

today for me is pretty divided. i still have some take home work to finish, because i'm workaholic that way, and i have familial obligations that i must make good with. what obligations? watching alias with my mom--which i promised her i will do last year. 2009 is almost half over, and i'm only making good now.

*sigh*

"detoxification" also begins today, in preparation for the marathon on the 28th. the gig run, i mean. milo marathon won't be happening until august/september.

beginning today, i will not have more than one frapp a week, no more than one large gulp of coke a week, and no more potato crisps. hopefully i manage to stick to this until milo marathon is over and done with.

i'll probably add to my list of not to consume as days go by. but for now, i'll stick with those three.

by the way, the paid accout contest will end on july 30.

i've been using this new laptop for almost one week now and i still haven't installed the progams i need for it. crap on a stick. for the past five days, the only thing i managed to do on it is log on to facebook, plant/harvest my farm, and then fall asleep. oh, and a lot of work research too.

that's when i usually fall asleep--in front of the laptop. *sigh*

yes, i'm using it for work. but not the work i intended to use it for.

( my independence day )

the paid account contest is ongoing. so if you're interested in having a 6-months paid account or a 12-months 100 userpics thing, go and join.

life is very hectic right now. tomorrow, we don't have work. i'll see if i could blog more about it.

because tiang has posted a challenge over at her blog, and with a prize, i figured i would follow suit. so this is my challenge for yumipitz, tiang, chikaichix and whoever else wants to join.

whoever has the most number of posts at WMN.ph Forums by the end of july will get either six months of paid account time or a year's time of 100 userpics here at livejournal. one or the other.

contest rules:
- you must post as a comment here [comments will be screened] your username at the forums, so that i could track your post count.
- you must not spam. posts should be part of a discussion. being caught spamming will automatically disqualify you.
- you're free to post anywhere in the forums and invite non-members to join in to help you accumulate post count (again, through discussions), but you must not create second (or third, and so on) accounts for yourself -- which i doubt anyone of you will do anyway.

and that's pretty much it.

so are you guys game?

i bought a new laptop. ... technically, my mom bought a new laptop that i will be paying in installments, but to keep it short: i bought a new laptop.

and i don't regret it.

i've decided to keep m.a.t.t. around for now. no plans yet though of what i will do with him, but i don't think i can let him go that easily. after all, that laptop's been with me since sophomore year college. almost six years now. but it's time to move on to a new one--not technically a better one. just one that i can use more in what i do.

so yeah. new laptop. no name yet, though, yumipitz.

moving on;

it's sunday today and i'm going to work. nothing new, right? except for the fact that this might be my last coverage for work. because as of last friday, it has been announced that i am part of the newly-formed team at the office.

so it's official now.

but technically, i'm still working for my old team because i still have backlog to unload. and they're undermanned.

no plans of hiring new writers though, so *shrug*

and so, this might not be my last coverage after all. never say never, and all that jazz. but it does seem that they're transitioning me out of my old team. maybe because of a certain status message i left on facebook: "is confused as to what his real status is."

a status where people asked if i was talking about my love life or my career. and i answered that i still don't have a love life, indirectly saying it's about work.

so yeah. umm. yeah.

i should really watch what i post on facebook. that's not the first time a status message affected my paranoia standing in the office.

in other news;

i watched my bloody valentine and all i can say is: "what the bloody hell?!" wasted my time with that film, and i don't know what jensen ackles was thinking signing up for that film. i do feel sorry for kerr smith though. his career has taken a turn for the b-movie route.

just remembered. i have to pass by the mall before i head to the office. and that's my cue.

i went home early today because of two things: i did not feel well, and i needed to sort out the photos i took yesterday. my moonlighting gig. i ended up, well, in the loo for the most part.

it's already late and i have to wake up early tomorrow. but there being no meeting or coverages to go to tomorrow, maybe i could leave early again. well, i'd have to come in early first. and i really should head to the bank and deposit a check that's already two months old.

me making plans is never a good thing. i never follow through. or at least, i never get to completely follow through. the showing up part, i can do. it's the rest of the stuff that usually gets pushed back. or forgotten. there's been a case before, if i remember correctly.

oh well. back to the drawing board. or rather, to bed. i shouldn't plan anymore. tomorrow, i'll leave early. and that should be the only thing in mind when i leave the office. that way, i don't accidentally push back the other stuff i have to do.

in other news, everything aches. and i finished the book i was reading, while i was in the loo.

i've always had complaints about my family. then again, who doesn't complain about family. but lately, they're driving me more insane than the usual. i don't know why. i don't want to know why. but i think i may need time away from them.

i had a moonlit gig today. tiring. and, in a way, very challenging. very ... testing. i still need to learn a lot about shoots. and i need rest in between shoots too, i guess. after last thursday's impromptu shoot, i was kind of spent earlier. my brain barely worked.

maybe it was also because these people were unfamiliar to me. but that shouldn't be a problem. maybe it was the lack of response. it's maybe a lot of things that i will never know. i hope not, but i'm just putting that out there. next time though, to be sure, i won't have a shoot until 7 days after the last one.

it's taxing.

did i mention here about my new deadline? i've been wondering for days now. is writing really for me? i've always wanted to write for tv. but for the last two years, i've only been writing articles. not that great articles that only die-hard fans read. i wish i could delude myself to thinking that my articles matter, but they're entertainment fluff.

they matter, yes. i don't discount them that. they promote, they expose. but in the end, the world is neither a better or worse place because of what i wrote. in the annals of history, they will not even be worth a single mention.

i guess i'm having a quarter-life crisis.