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27 June 2016 @ 10:33 pm
I miss the photo shoots.

I miss the cheesy storylines we create to capture an emotion, a look, a feeling.

I miss hanging out with my friends on a lazy saturday just having fun.

Being creative.

Being young.

In love with art.

In love.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: pensivepensive
Current Music: "Door Number Three"
well, that's not completely true.

i've been writing more. not stuff that you can see on television yet, but i've been writing more.

i'm also in a screenplay writing workshop. something the company is paying for. i don't know how i'll use the stuff i'm learning for the company, but i'm learning a lot. it's also killed what's left of my social life--so thank goodness for viber and facebook. it's two-thirds done, and i'm way behind on the screenplay i'm supposed to submit at the end of it. on the other hand, i'm doing great with the in-class participation. so my ateneo education wasn't a complete waste after all.

i've got a bunch of youtube ideas that i want to see to fruition. one of said ideas is actually alive now. let me take you out. i mentioned it here before, i think. we already have six episodes up. two more to go before we end our inaugural season. we need to learn how to be more... on time. i'm writing a treatment (once i'm done with my deadlines) for a friend based on a story he told me. and i still partake in the occassional chris cantada force story creation.

but what i really want to produce more of are short-form romcoms, sitcoms, and a few talk shows: one that deals with local entertainment tv and film, one that deals with music and theater, and one that deals with current events. i need money for that. money i currently don't have a lot of.

and then there's mythos.

i have so many plans, but what i really need more of is time.

i need time.

(also, a cure for the brain-splitting headaches that incapacitates me for days at a time.)
Current Location: home
Current Mood: sicksick
Current Music: "Can't Stop The Feeling"
16 February 2016 @ 07:45 pm
it's been three months since i last wrote a script for local television. at the start of my 'vacation,' putting down the figurative pen was a welcome relief. by then, i had been writing (more or less) non-stop since 2014. which isn't a complaint. as i always say, i love what i do. but, let's face it, breaks are very important as well. except, well-- the one month break became two, and then-- well, now, it's been three months. and i'm a little rusty.

there are some things you don't forget, true. whereas it used to take me a full day to write a treatment when i was starting out, sometimes more, it only took me a few hours with my latest assignment. unfortunately, after writing, i realized a lot of things. i've forgotten a lot of the elements needed for an episode of a filipino television show. and having only written treatments for the short form platform of youtube, i've also forgotten to include highlights and cliffhangers for commercial gaps. so i rewrote.

it took me more than a week to finally submit a treatment i was comfortable with, but i still had a lot of apprehensions. it has been a while, after all.

when i didn't hear back for a number of days, i was already setting myself up for major revisions. i actually wrote on my to-do list that i would probably need to make another treatment for the episode. i've accepted it. but then my treatment came back with a message that said i could go straight to scripting.

and that's when i hit another snag.

remember the not having written any scripts for the past three months? yeah, now, i'm a little overwhelmed. i was supposed to have submitted my script last night, but until now i keep rewriting my sequences and second-guessing everything.

the thing with writing is, you have to keep doing it. you have to keep fooling yourself, and others, that you know what you're doing. you stop, and the doubts come back. you stop, and the fear sets back in. so now i stare at what i've written, and hit the backspace button again.

this isn't writer's block.

this is a writer's life.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: "Work This Body"
08 January 2016 @ 03:02 pm
I love going abroad alone because I don't have to depend on anyone, and no one depends on me.

It's freeing.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: goodgood
Current Music: "Run the World"
15 September 2015 @ 10:18 pm
reading back on my blog entries... wow, i was depressed as fuck last month.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: "Only When I Sleep"
15 June 2015 @ 08:00 pm
Last week, I reached a breaking point. And without further ado, I did what I had wanted to do since 2013. I dropped a show.

And now I feel so light.

I still have deadlines to do, but without that one added burden, I don't even feel as bad about this other thing now. I mean, I still hate doing translations with a passion, but it's sort of become a little bearable.

Now, if only I could get rid of my infernal coughing, life would just be peaches.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: goodgood
Current Music: "Hey"
31 May 2015 @ 06:25 pm
is the end of the vacation that never started.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: "Under Your Spell"
25 May 2015 @ 10:55 pm
i'm calling out.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: "Love's Got a Hold On My Heart"
08 May 2015 @ 11:38 pm
i feel spent. tired. and at the risk of sounding like whiny emo teenager... i wish i'd disappear. even for just a half-second. to somewhere peaceful. somewhere where all plans happen as you planned it. where all you have to worry about is the fact there's nothing to worry about.

where people you thought appreciated you actually appreciated you.

okay, so i've been carrying this in my chest since last monday. when someone handed out giveaways, during our press conference, to everyone in our table...except me. with the first giveaway, i figured they ran out. it didn't matter. i don't mind being the lone one who doesn't get a giveaway. but then the second giveaway arrived. and there were a couple of extras. and the person giving it out looked at me... and still didn't give me one.

was i not part of this team?

what hurts here isn't the fact that they seemed to be purposely avoiding giving me anything... it's the fact that off my team, i'm the only one they could wrangle at odd hours of the day to do stuff i'm not even supposed to do. and i do it because i want to help them. and this is what i get in return. looked at, and then ignored.

i won't lie. i cried a little. just a little. and then i chose to move on. i pushed myself to move on. dwelling on something as insignificant as that isn't very mature. it's not like i was dying and they refused to get me help. i did my best to convince myself that it didn't matter.

but i guess it does. because, here i am, four days letter, still dwelling on what happened.

it doesn't help that they've asked for favors again. twice. since last monday. favors i could've refused to do. but i didn't.

and therein lies the problem, i think. people look at me and know that i wouldn't turn anyone down. because i know that when something needs to be done, it needs to be done. sure, i'm not the fastest person in terms of writing, but when push comes to shove, i will be there to catch whatever needs to be caught. or, you know, clumsily tackle it to the ground.

which is why i got saddled with a new workload.

which is why i'm still doing tasks that i should've already graduated from.

which is why i still haven't found the time to do the one personal project i promised myself i would finish.

but i shouldn't blame that on anyone but me.

i'm the problem here.

i need to learn how to say no.

fuck no.

hell no.

shit no.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: "Music of the Heart"
15 April 2015 @ 07:07 pm
I am totally in love with how Daredevil, the series Marvel made with Netflix, was made. From the writing, to the direction, the production--everything. And I feel like it has now colored the way I will watch any other superhero shows.

And I got to test this with the new episodes of Agents of SHIELD and The Flash.

The Flash has always been a light romp, a fun series with a filial undertone that sets it apart from how superhero shows are usually made. Smallville, I think, was the closest--with its emphasis on the Kents in the first three seasons. But, at the same time, The Flash is also a little more open to the camp of the comics world--going so far as to name their villains, and letting them recur and develop personalities.

Last week, I would have gone on record and said The Flash is the best superhero television series of all time. But after my exposure to Netflix and Marvel's Daredevil? I don't think I can make that claim anymore.

Especially since the much-hyped "All Star Team-Up" episode failed to deliver what The Flash has been consistently supplying its viewers: an episode that perfectly balances action, and drama, and world-building.

Ever since they revealed the Reverse Flash secret to Barry, the show's light heart took a hit. I've never noticed before how so much of the show's atmosphere hangs on Barry's shoulders. If he's happy, we feel it. When he's sad, we feel it. And now, with Barry conflicted about the Reverse Flash's identity--the show is mimicking his feelings too. And it's not a good thing.

There were too many scenes this episode that I wished went by faster. The villain was a cut out, not allowed to be more than someone who needed to be beaten. And the Iris-Eddie scenes felt forced.

Barry is not winning any points in this episode of The Flash. And neither is the show winning anything by launching the final episodes of its maiden season with a weak episode.

Especially since Agents of SHIELD is finally getting its groove back. Albeit, more slowly than last year. And why is that? Well, for one thing, we have too many characters--and they're all spread out into different factions.

I mean, come on: did we really need the "real" SHIELD to come in right now? Isn't dealing with the Inhumans and Mr. Hyde's Group of Indexed Individuals enough?

Since SHIELD came back from the midseason hiatus, what we've gotten is a fractured shell of the promising show Agents of SHIELD once was. The momentum of Skye's rebirth as an Inhuman was buried in the rubble of a corporate takeover that no one really wanted.

I mean, who woke up one morning and thought: you know what Agents of SHIELD needs? Another hostile takeover by a subgroup that's been lying in wait all these time.

Well, apparently, the showrunners.

Fortunately, we get a more-or-less solid episode this week with "Melinda." Mostly because Ming Na Wen delivers quite the emotional punch in an episode that explores how she became known as The Cavalry.

I really hope this begins Agents of SHIELD's ascent back into must-watch television again. Because while I have become somewhat of a Marvel fan, I can and will still drop a television program if I'm no longer enjoying watching it.

And with Daredevil in the mix, we know Marvel can do so much better than what it's doing right now.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: lazylazy
Current Music: "On My Own"